"Up Close and Personal..."

July is winding down, 2009 is half over. The summer in New England just seemed to get started but it's also been very rainy. Work is perpetually crazy and demanding yet I am thankful to even have a job. I've been in contact with my old boyfriend but this time just as friends and I just received my second letter approving me for GRS. Life seems to be ongoing and flowing as time seems to be passing very quickly!!!

And speaking of quickly, what's been on my mind mostly is my upcoming GRS! I have no date yet as I am still in the process of gathering paperwork, getting my duckies in a row and picking out a surgeon. I narrowed it down to two, Dr Bressard in Montreal and Dr Honig who is very close by (45 minutes!) in Farmington, CT. After flip flopping several times, currently I am leaning towards Dr Honig.

Yes, I know, Dr Bressard is the king of GRS having performed over 2000 procedures and I've personally seen his work up close from friends who have shared. No doubt about it, he's very good!!!

But he is a plastic surgeon. And I have heard some things about his work that has me concerned. Oh, the instances are very few but still they are there.

Dr Honig, on the other hand, is a urologist who specializes in males. This guy knows the ins and outs of the male workings "down under" and he's already done penectomies, orchidectomies and he has had to work with the prostate so he is used to making a canal much like a vaginal canal to get to the prostate. The only thing that he doesn't do is the labiaplasty. He leaves that to a very well locally respected plastic surgeon, Dr Jonathan Schreiber who trained in San Franciso and New York City with some of the top cosmetic surgeons in the world.. Dr Schreiber's technique is to actually pull down the skin from the abdomen and secure it on the labia majora. The result is no marks and a little bit of a "tummy tuck". That sounds like a "win-win" situation and that sounds good to me!!!

Plus I like the fact that both of these doctors are within minutes of me!!!

So I am getting my paperwork together and I will submit it to Dr Honig. My insurance from work will actually cover my GRS which is awesome!!! But then again, it is insurance and it will take time to process things as, you know, insurance does...

It will be nice to have a vagina and a clitoris though!!!

Yes, I know, my earlier blog posts from the past few years always took a "not for me" stance on GRS and once again I have flipped-flopped just as I did with electrology, going on hormones and transitioning. In earlier times I was firmly against each of these feminizing procedures. One by one, I relinquished my original position and eventually took up the polar opposite of each "no." I have thought long and hard over these issues and with each one I have finally felt secure in my "opposite" decisions. I know that I am not like most Trans who just seem to dive into everything right away and all at once. I did a step by step slow progression. But then again I've always been like that in anything that I ever did. I was always the last person to "dive into the lake", "take that first drink", or "go out dressed in public." Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I am concerned or maybe I just didn't feel safe doing these "new" things. I much preferred to watch others and see how they dealt with these situations. When I finally got the nerve or confidence to do these new things then I usually embraced them wholeheartedly.

There were a few things that I never tried nor ever wanted to try such as driving a motorcycle, firing a gun, lift weights, gamble or even wanting a showgirl to dance for me when I was out "with the guys" and they were all gung ho to watch the ladies dance. Put yer dollar down and watch the show!!! Me? I would talk to the girls and maybe even dance with them in a very non sexual way. I guess that I didn't make a very good male who likes engine noises, guns, bodybuilding and objectifying women. Now i am digressing, sorry,...back to the point...

But I really do finally want a vagina and clitoris now!!! It's time!!! I know it is!!! I need them to continue my life. I want to finally change all of my legal documents to "female". They're about half and half now. Legally I guess that currently I am both male or female depending on what form you are referring to... But with a surgeon's letter I will be able to change them all!!! Yay!!!

And there will be no more uncomfortable, sweaty tucking!!! Yay!!! It's funny, but after I tuck i immediately forget about even having a penis and scrotum and it doesn't even cross my mind until I go to the bathroom when I pull my panties down and"thud" they they are. Oh yeah, i forgot that I still have these...

I will also be able to "receive" which has always been a dream of mine. I want to be entered in that way...

So I am sorry for getting up close and personal but then again what do you really expect a Transwoman to think about when she is thinking about GRS???


So time is passing and life is flowing and I'm ready to take on my last physically feminizing step. That is unless I opt for FFS or breast augmentation or....on and on... No. I think that I shall stop with GRS. But then again I now know never to say never.....