"What is Truth and Who is the Dreamer?"

About a month ago a friend asked me to joining a Trans website. I checked out the site and I was immediately hit with ads for life like breast forms and articles and books on how to pass as a woman. I think I even saw one that stated that "There is no excuse for not passing as a beautiful woman." Ok, I thought to myself, I've come upon yet another Crossdressing site. Sites like these are wonderful for us girls who are exploring that part of themselves but not so much for us girls who are living full time and are dealing with everyday life. I begrudgingly joined the site and poked around a bit. I did find forums that might answer some of my questions and I did post a few questions and responses. The people were very nice but I didn't really benefit from the exchanges. Then all of a sudden I received an email from a girl who asked me if I gave advice. I responded "What kind of advice are you looking for?" She then told me that she has been CDing for several years now and if I had any tips for her to look better. She then asked me if she passed as a woman....

Ok, I know that she was looking for validation and I could've fudged it a little and told her that she was beautiful etc but I couldn't bring myself to lie to her. Yes, I can tell "white lies" at times but when it comes to genderswitching I find that area too close to me and way too important to just fluff it off and tell people what I think they want to hear. Plus the fact I've always had issues with the concept of passing (like you're a deceiver and you've tricked people! ha ha!) and I really wanted to tell her the truth, the way it really is...

She was a nice looking gal but number one, she did not smile. I don't get why more Transpeeps don't smile especially when they are taking a pic presenting in their preferred/true gender. Smile for the pic, Hon! Number two, she had a rather longish wig on and she was not a young person. Number three, I knew that she desperately wanted to hear nothing but good things. To me, exploring your gender is serious stuff and the truth is the way to go.

But I said all these things rather nicely. I told her that first of all, hardly any of us pass 100% of the time. You can be the most beautiful woman from a face to face encounter but just turn a little bit and suddenly you look not so beautiful. Even the cutest girls will look "questionable" if you see them from several angles, so instead of worrying about passing i told her to just go out, enjoy herself and have fun! Enjoy your new outfit, meet people, dance, dine, chat, laugh and smile! These are the things to dwell on! Don't be nervously, constantly thinking that you don't pass. Be confident, have fun and enjoy life!

I told her that she dresses very nicely. I also told her that a little smile would definitely help when people look at you. I followed that up with "I found that I get Ma'am ed a lot when I wear a shorter style of hair." I tried to make it truthful but positive and fun seeking. She never wrote me back...

Ok, I know a lot of girls don't want to hear what I said. A lot of girls want to be Barbie dolls and be told that they pass and/or that they are sexy, beautiful women but guess what???

I still think using the truth is the way to approach your gender search. Clear the mind of the Barbie doll thoughts and look around at other women your own age. Are they wearing mini dresses? Do their tummies poke out? Are they wearing long wigs? I know that there are always exceptions but realistically the answer is no, no and no... Oh, in the past I wore mini dresses too and age inappropriate wigs but I always saved them for Trannie events where anything goes. In the mainstream public it is a totally different story.

Perhaps i needlessly poke the air out of their tires and ruin their fun. I don't mean to do that at all. I want them to explore life, have fun and hopefully learn a little about themself. When they "Barbie doll up" they draw attention to themselves and sometimes that's not a good thing. Then they ask if they pass...

I don't know, I just don't know...I'm not sure what's going through their minds. Dress sexy, wear long wigs, wear heels and then ask if they pass....and when they don't pass they get irritated, become very self conscious, and some may even become hysterical and lose it.

I've always felt that age old saying fits, "It is what it is." Accept who you are! Being an old unfeminine looking woman is not the worst thing in the world to be! What really counts is your soul, your spirit, your being and finding true peace and happiness! I think so anyway but then again maybe I'm the dreamer.

"Nowhere to Look but Up!!!"

Since just before August began I have gone through a lot of experiences, emotions and thoughts. On August 1st I attended a wedding (yay!), (my third now as Deja, yay!), reunited with an old boyfriend (yay!) , wasn't invited to a family birthday that my Mom went to (ow!), felt worse as my Mom was brought to the event by my ex (ow!) and her new hubby (very big ow!!!), felt separation anxiety as the old boyfriend left (ow!), reconnected with another man (yay!), hung with 3 good friends for a weekend (yay!), went to a nice party (yay!). thought about my future in the family (yay and ow!), thought about my future being with/without somebody (yay!/ow!) had 3 nights of crying (ow!), almost broke down crying at work (ow!), had one night of anger (ow!), saw the fruits of my writing (of my struggles with family and friends acceptance) published (yay and ow!)http://www.therainbowtimesmass.com/ (Click on the underlined hyperlink, click on the blonde gal and scroll to page 6), needed one night to be alone with no human contact (ow!), felt terrible (ow!), felt good (yay!), felt great *yay!), gained more confidence in myself (yay!) and now I'm ready to go at life and enjoy it to the fullest (yaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!) . I never thought that two weeks could be so crazy on me!!! Ride the roller coaster of life, Deja!!!

What it comes down to is that once again I have learned to look at life positively, do not depend on anyone but myself for my happiness and to go out and live and experience and enjoy life!!! Yes, I have always done so since becoming Deja but sometimes I have to relearn it. I know I will relearn it again and again in the future. As long as I can relearn this I will be able to look at life where it meets with truth.

Sometimes truth can get you down. All of a sudden you see your shortcomings, yourself aging, the negative things about yourself etc. Things that you thought were rock solid and all good suddenly are neither. Wham!!! It happens!!! It happens to all of us and we have to deal with it. That's life!!!

I've always tried to see the truth and to be positive. These are my help with which I face the world every day. I also have my smile and my confidence.With these assets I can deal with most anything, but some days are tougher than others. Somedays my smile is absent and my confidence is shaken, truth hits me and leaves me vulnerable and my positivity may retreat for a while, but time heals me and I see things in a new light. Things that seemed huge are suddenly minimal and my assets return in full force. I have been wounded, healed myself, and now am headed out into the world for more!!

I see a lot of people who are steeped in anger and negativity. Some may even try to take my positive energy from me but most are so wrapped up in their own misery that I don't feel their pull to negativity. I try to steer myself to more positive people and feed off them as they do off me. That's how I do it.

I love to live, to love, to smile, to dance, to sing to play my guitar, to write, to share ideas, to laugh, to overcome the bad with the good,even if it's just for a while. A good friend recently told me that even when he gets ill he says to himself, "How can I make this fun?" That is such an outstanding outlook!!! That is sooo precious!!! I love to hear and learn messages such as that!!!

Let's face it, we live, we err, we get hurt, we feel bad, we get better we try again, we learn, we relearn. We've got to keep going and while we are at it why not have fun??? That's how I want to live!! I think that my new mantra is "There's nowhere to look but up!!!"