"Welcome Back to Transland and Male Attention..."

It's been quite a week. Physically I didn't do much but mentally I have been all over the place. It's been about a month since I've been in contact with the Trans community and I ran into it full force this past week. And maybe it's something in the air, but I have been hit on by several men via internet dating venues this past weekend.

First the Trans re-entry. Early in the week, I reunited with my very good friend Keri who was away with her wife on a deep Caribbean vacation. Keri told me about the events on her cruise and then we got into Trans related issues.Lately I've been reading Julia Serano's "Whipping Girl" and I came upon Julia's take on "passing". Julia doesn't like the concept of "passing" because the underlying tone of the word implies that we are "fooling" someone or "tricking" them into believing that people like us "really are women". Passing makes us seem like deceivers...

Personally I think that passing should be a Crossdresser word. You know, a man who likes to dress and go out in public. When they are mistaken for women I would say that they pass.The word works fine there.

But when you come to us who have transitioned then passing really loses it's meaning. How can you "pass" as a woman if you really are a woman? When you are in your correct gender there is no "pass" or even "fail" You just simply are you!!! I believe that passing has no meaning in a transitioned person's vocabulary.

From Thursday on I was hit with lots of Trans contact. Thursday was a support group meeting which focused on religion and being Trans. That a potentially explosive subject but everyone was very polite with their differences. It was very respectful and we did go onto other subjects without incident.

On Fri/Sat a Trans girl I haven't seen in a while told me that she was coming out at work and asked me for any tips. At first I was congratulating her and giving her my take on what to wear and the bathroom issue and the wrong pronouns issue but as I re read her email I thought that I picked up some doubt in her own words. Then i questioned her and told her to pursue these issues with her therapist. We had several emails back and forth and I'll think she'll be ok. I just wanted to make sure that she was ready and that it was the right time for her to transition.

Saturday brought me to a therapist visit. A couple of months ago I had taken a rather short test and the results finally came back. The results showed that I am neither male nor female. Also my therapist had a separate chart that divided all Transpeople into about 5 or 6 categories. Not surprisingly, I didn't completely fit into any one category. I've always felt different from anybody since I can remember and I've never felt exactly like any other Transperson that I've ever met. The chart thingie proved that. The other test I just dismissed. My therapist kinda did too. The test was originally set up to test heterosexual men who were having possible gender conflicts. I really don't see myself as a heterosexual man. I used to up until about five years ago but now I see myself as a heterosexual female who "Minors in Lesbianism".

My therapist also let me quickly take the Doctor Doctor test (Yes, apparently there is a Doctor whose last name is Doctor!!!). This test was clearly a test to see if a person is a Crossdresser of some sort. I quickly read the questions aloud and answered each one aloud. Not surprisingly I "failed" the Crossdresser test.

Saturday night was another Trans support meeting. This particular support group has a wide spectrum of Transpeople from very closeted Crossdressers to Transitioned Transwomen. It's a wonderful group and there is a pleasant aura during the meetings. We may all be at different places on the gender line but we all know that the valuable asset to have is self acceptance no matter where you are on that line.

Now to the resurgence of male attention in my life...

Friday night my last summer romance man called and we chatted for hours just like the old days. It was wonderful conversing again and then that dreaded low battery sound hit my cell phone. When I heard it I told him that he was going to lose me soon and then the talk quickly turned to how much we miss each other. Before we really got into expressing our feelings my phone battery died...

Saturday morning suddenly brought several emails from several men who wanted to meet me. After questioning each man on what they wanted in a relationship three of them admitted that they just wanted sex. Scratch those 3!!!!

Now I am "down" to 4 men who claim that they want to meet me and if things are right, possibly have a relationship. Currently I have dates with two of them and the other two haven't come up with a firm date yet. They may never do so. And the ones who have set their date with me may or not show up. I know this from past history from dealing with other men and I always email the man a day or two before the date to see if we are still on. But even if the dates don't happen I still enjoyed the male attention even if it's only for a brief while. I know that it's a line but still it is nice to be called beautiful and pretty and for a man to comment on how he likes my profile makes me smile. Especially if he comments on something in my profile. That means that he actually read my profile and likes my words! Yay!!!

But I don't have high expectations. As always I try to be realistic as I do in every facet of my life. I just try to make the best of what I have and to try to keep my positive attitude. And my smile...I love my smile and I never want to lose it, never...