Most of us have members of our family who are not at all happy with us. We changed and they do not like it. Like most of us, i have people in my family who will not communicate with me or meet me or even acknowledge me. It's very sad but what are you gonna do about it? C'est la vie.
One of the "non believers" in my family is my oldest sister. Her view is that there is no such thing as Transgender and that I am narcissistic and selfish for doing what I did when I transitioned. Of course she is wrong about there being no such thing as Transgender but I have been thinking lately about the narcissistic element.
A few years ago at a Trans support meeting one girl asked us each to think and say something that might have value to us all. A rather quiet girl who pretty much keeps to herself offered "Listen to people to what they say about you." This has always stuck in my mind.
Sometimes we don't want to hear everything that people say about us. Sometimes it is not good things but sometimes we do need to hear it...
Now back to the narcissistic thing...
There are many definitions of narcissism but I choose this one, " A personality disorder in which a person is so self-absorbed that the needs and feelings of others do not matter." I think that pretty much sums it up in one sentence!
I have been observing people with this definition in mind. Yes, narcissism touches all walks of life and all of us have levels of it but I do see it deeply ingrained in some Transpeeps. I have met folks who are constantly thinking only of themselves and they take offense if you ever disagree with them. It must be their way or no way and forget about the idea of agreeing to disagree.
I have noticed people lashing out at friends when they feel that their world is crumbling or not going their way. There are Transpeeps that will never speak to each again because somehow they felt that their views were attacked and that they did not like it one bit. They probably will never reconcile. C'est la vie.
As far as me being narcissistic....well I have taken about a zillion pics of myself and one of the definitions of narcissism is the love of oneself. In that case I am no doubt, guilty of this definition of narcissism. I do love myself and I believe that this is a good thing. How can you love others if you don't love yourself? Yes, I plead guilty to narcissism by this definition and I stand by it's merits.
But I do not believe that I am "so self-absorbed that the needs and feelings of others do not matter." If this is true please someone tell me but I really don't think it is so. I've always thought about others and tried to please them since I was very young. I quickly learned that if you respect others they will like you and your life will be easier with them. I found that smiling and being happy was generally well accepted by everyone and it worked for me. I still believe this to this day.
I grew up in a house with two sisters and I learned about respecting women. I married and had 3 children and I learned that my needs come last and my families come first. I had 3 little hungry mouths to feed and clothe and love. But when September 11, 2001 came that started me thinking about myself more. I always knew that there was a feminine spirit inside of me that was eager to surface but I stuffed her way down in my soul because I had responsibilities. By 2001 my family was growing (my youngest was then 16) and the awful feeling of knowing that i could die at any minute and go to my grave never, ever exploring who I am scared me. So yes, I did begin thinking of myself but darn it, I am who I am and I need to be me. Stuffing my true self down, down, down way deep in my soul was a lot harder to do now. I knew that time was running out. A month later I turned 50.
Lots of stuff happened, some good,some bad. One of the good was that I finally found my center and found peace in my life. One of the bad is that my ex divorced me and that there are family members who don't want to deal with me. Am I selfish to become who I am? I do still care about my family members and their needs and feelings but they just seem to want to forget about me. I don't know how to get them back unless I detransition back to being male but that is not a real option. I would have to give up my peace and my center. I would be very unhappy and probably eventually look to exit...
I just don't think that I am narcissistic. I've seen the "narci" person operate and I am not like that. My other sister who loves and accepts me also says that i am not like that. I have heard some possible narci things about me from Transpeeps mostly because of my picture takings and my short whimsical statements when someone else is talking but I do remain quiet and listen while someone else is talking. I was called "a spoiled brat" in the past two weeks but it came from a very narcissistic person who spouted off about several of us and there was waaay worse things said about the others.
But I've also gotten comments on how surprised people are when I play guitar and sing. Until they hear me play they think that I am just a person who noodles around but I really can entertain, I don't make a big deal about it. I've also been called pretty and have had lots of nice comments on my body parts but I don't make a big deal about it. I am just me. Yes, I am special but so is everyone else!
I really don't feel the narcissism. I can feel the needs and feelings of others, I listen to others, I compliment others, I do say "I" a lot though!!! Hee hee!!!!
So i do admit to having a level of narcissism but I don't believe that it's bad.As far as my family not accepting me and wanting me to be who they think I should be...maybe they are the ones who are a little too narcissistic????
One of the "non believers" in my family is my oldest sister. Her view is that there is no such thing as Transgender and that I am narcissistic and selfish for doing what I did when I transitioned. Of course she is wrong about there being no such thing as Transgender but I have been thinking lately about the narcissistic element.
A few years ago at a Trans support meeting one girl asked us each to think and say something that might have value to us all. A rather quiet girl who pretty much keeps to herself offered "Listen to people to what they say about you." This has always stuck in my mind.
Sometimes we don't want to hear everything that people say about us. Sometimes it is not good things but sometimes we do need to hear it...
Now back to the narcissistic thing...
There are many definitions of narcissism but I choose this one, " A personality disorder in which a person is so self-absorbed that the needs and feelings of others do not matter." I think that pretty much sums it up in one sentence!
I have been observing people with this definition in mind. Yes, narcissism touches all walks of life and all of us have levels of it but I do see it deeply ingrained in some Transpeeps. I have met folks who are constantly thinking only of themselves and they take offense if you ever disagree with them. It must be their way or no way and forget about the idea of agreeing to disagree.
I have noticed people lashing out at friends when they feel that their world is crumbling or not going their way. There are Transpeeps that will never speak to each again because somehow they felt that their views were attacked and that they did not like it one bit. They probably will never reconcile. C'est la vie.
As far as me being narcissistic....well I have taken about a zillion pics of myself and one of the definitions of narcissism is the love of oneself. In that case I am no doubt, guilty of this definition of narcissism. I do love myself and I believe that this is a good thing. How can you love others if you don't love yourself? Yes, I plead guilty to narcissism by this definition and I stand by it's merits.
But I do not believe that I am "so self-absorbed that the needs and feelings of others do not matter." If this is true please someone tell me but I really don't think it is so. I've always thought about others and tried to please them since I was very young. I quickly learned that if you respect others they will like you and your life will be easier with them. I found that smiling and being happy was generally well accepted by everyone and it worked for me. I still believe this to this day.
I grew up in a house with two sisters and I learned about respecting women. I married and had 3 children and I learned that my needs come last and my families come first. I had 3 little hungry mouths to feed and clothe and love. But when September 11, 2001 came that started me thinking about myself more. I always knew that there was a feminine spirit inside of me that was eager to surface but I stuffed her way down in my soul because I had responsibilities. By 2001 my family was growing (my youngest was then 16) and the awful feeling of knowing that i could die at any minute and go to my grave never, ever exploring who I am scared me. So yes, I did begin thinking of myself but darn it, I am who I am and I need to be me. Stuffing my true self down, down, down way deep in my soul was a lot harder to do now. I knew that time was running out. A month later I turned 50.
Lots of stuff happened, some good,some bad. One of the good was that I finally found my center and found peace in my life. One of the bad is that my ex divorced me and that there are family members who don't want to deal with me. Am I selfish to become who I am? I do still care about my family members and their needs and feelings but they just seem to want to forget about me. I don't know how to get them back unless I detransition back to being male but that is not a real option. I would have to give up my peace and my center. I would be very unhappy and probably eventually look to exit...
I just don't think that I am narcissistic. I've seen the "narci" person operate and I am not like that. My other sister who loves and accepts me also says that i am not like that. I have heard some possible narci things about me from Transpeeps mostly because of my picture takings and my short whimsical statements when someone else is talking but I do remain quiet and listen while someone else is talking. I was called "a spoiled brat" in the past two weeks but it came from a very narcissistic person who spouted off about several of us and there was waaay worse things said about the others.
But I've also gotten comments on how surprised people are when I play guitar and sing. Until they hear me play they think that I am just a person who noodles around but I really can entertain, I don't make a big deal about it. I've also been called pretty and have had lots of nice comments on my body parts but I don't make a big deal about it. I am just me. Yes, I am special but so is everyone else!
I really don't feel the narcissism. I can feel the needs and feelings of others, I listen to others, I compliment others, I do say "I" a lot though!!! Hee hee!!!!
So i do admit to having a level of narcissism but I don't believe that it's bad.As far as my family not accepting me and wanting me to be who they think I should be...maybe they are the ones who are a little too narcissistic????
2 comments:
I have read your blogs for a long time and you have also offered me advise which has helped a lot.
I have never seen you as narcissistic at all. In fact you have demonstrated in your actions in life, as well as your advise to others, the exact opposite.
Ignore what these people say and please continue to be the fun and inspiration woman you really are.
x
Thank you. Lisa!!!
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